As I was scrolling through IG reels, I came across a clip from a show called “AsianBossGirl” on YouTube and the segment shown had to do with relationships in your late 30s. I resonated a lot with what was said in that 30 sec clip, so I decided to watch the entire show. 

To my surprise the main person interviewed (Janet) is exactly the same age as me, therefore, much of what she said encapsulates my own beliefs and views on life. 

I will link the entire video below as it’s really worth watching: 

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I was genuinely so inspired by her and how she spoke so I decided to answer the same questions addressed in the interview (and title this in the same way) as a way of reflecting on my life so far. This also ties into a project I started envisioning over the summer. 

 

Question 1: How did you imagine life in your late 30s to be like? 

So much has happened in an unplanned way throughout my 30s. The image of what my life should have been like and what it is now are not intersecting at all, so it’s been a decade filled with many disappointments. This year alone doesn’t carry a good balance when it comes to happiness over unhappiness but I tell myself that we must all go through these cycles in life. I hope the wheel will turn soon and perhaps I will experience some pleasant surprises in the coming months.

I wish to have accomplished more professionally at 38. Having tried so hard to get into a specific field of work and failing for years really makes me question what I should do next and if my current workplace is really worth it. This situation is a constant source of inner thoughts and questions with no answer, thus trying to find ways to mitigate these feelings can be, at times, overwhelming.

In this video, the girls introduced an interesting idea on how to subtract your current age from 80 (the average age a person lives  to) in order to find out how many years we would have left to enjoy a certain thing or season each year. For me that comes out to 42 seasons left. It sounds like a lot but also not really...definitely something to think about. 

This month at my alma mater (McGill University) Homecoming is being celebrated and I recently came across photos from my graduation 14 years ago. I was thinking to myself: wow, already 14 years? What have I done in those 14 years that is remarkable? Honestly, I think the most remarkable things I have done have happened post breakup (such as publishing books, getting serious about painting, creating my own website and rediscovering myself through new activities and interests). I think I don’t yet have an idea of what my life will look like in the next 1.5 to 2 years before I turn 40 but I do hope at least something special happens by then. 

 

Question 2: How has your concept of romantic relationships evolved over the years?

This one is a loaded question to answer but I agree mostly with what Janet said in the video. In fact, part of her answer is the clip that got me interested in watching the entire show and making this post. Receiving love and being vulnerable is a lot more difficult than giving love at this age. The walls are very high because, just like her, I am independent and take care of everything by myself and have been doing so for many years. It is very hard to adjust to letting someone else help or enter my life altogether. 

One of the things that has changed is that I no longer have any interest in dating. In my 20s I used to see it as a necessary, fun activity. Now I see it as a very dry process, similar to a job interview. This is in complete opposition to the idea of meeting someone and getting to know them, which, theoretically, can only happen through dating. I think my walls are so high that it really takes someone super nice and not threatening for me to actually go on a date with them. I usually end up liking guys who are not interested in me (kind of like my MO) as it has been the case this entire year and prior. My friends do agree that my situation is quite unique when it comes to my abysmal luck in love. I am mostly speechless at what is happening too and have no logical explanation so I just ride the wave.  

I think overall intimacy becomes a lot more difficult to accept and engage in as a fully grown adult. We become intimacy-resistant with age. Or maybe I just haven’t experienced the comfort level needed in a romantic relationship that promotes closeness and safety which can then lead to trust. Since my history of romantic relationships has been somewhat messed up for decades, I think that I have yet to form a healthy view of what a romantic relationship should be.

I think my concept has changed in that I know what I want, what I can offer and what I don’t tolerate under any circumstances. I think when we are younger we are far more tolerant and malleable and that changes significantly as we gain experience. Is love even determined by feelings at my age or mostly pragmatic things? I don’t know, so I think this is something I have yet to discover. 

 

Question 3: How has your concept of friendship evolved?

I also agree with her point of view that all human beings need connections to thrive in life and in our 30s is when most people get married and start families, therefore dynamics really change. It takes an effort to build and maintain friendships even with old friends. One of my best friends from highschool got married in his 30s and now he and his wife have 2 children. We only see each other once a year due to schedules and life but it’s important that we keep making that effort in order to ensure the relationship survives the test of time. I am also much more selective in who I allow to be a part of my close circle of friends. Shared experiences and life views do play a bigger role than before in the longevity of my friendships. 

 

Question 4: How has your relationship with your body changed?

Well, my joints do crack more than before but I have really made an effort to get back in shape, lose some of the weight that I had put on in the past and slowly reshape my body to something that is healthier and more toned. I have also grown to be more accepting of the fact that I am almost 40 and it’s ok to not have a perfectly flat belly or have a little extra here and there. I am almost 40 after all and I think I am pretty ok overall for my age. I have noticed that it is much more difficult to lose weight than when I was in my 20s or even early 30s. This is why I now make sure to eat healthier and I do take more vitamins than before. I also pay a lot more money and more attention to skincare, especially for my face. 

Another topic that was touched upon is the concept of kindness. I think with age I have become more aware of what life problems can do to someone’s behaviour. We are all really quick to judge and put someone in a corner but when you experience things yourself, it forces you to assess a situation from a different perspective and be more empathetic towards others.

 

Question 5: What do I hope to accomplish before 40?

Sadly I will not be able to accomplish this wish before I turn 40 so I have made it a goal to accomplish it throughout my 40s. I really want to go and live in Asia for one year of my life so that I can travel to different locations and take in the culture that I have been admiring and loving for decades. It’s hard to make a goal for the next 1.5-2 years honestly but I just hope to achieve more inner peace. 

 

Question 6: What is your biggest challenge in your 30s? 

Saving money is a big challenge for me these days. Whereas in my 20s I used to say that I have so much time to save, now I don’t feel the same way. I do feel like I am racing against the clock to pay off debts and save for retirement. I don’t own a home yet and I am not sure I will ever be able to afford to buy a home for myself. Another challenge is fighting off negative thoughts of comparison to others whose life followed a more linear path of having a family with a dog and a sleigh (j/k). These can be hard to overcome, especially when social media permeates every aspect of our lives. 

 

Question 7: What do I wish for future Corina, 10 years from now?

I would like to feel accomplished in my professional life, my personal life and to have good health by whatever means that will end up being the case. I think having inner peace is essential to feeling happy and fulfilled. There is no one size fits all or a perfect road to happiness that we can take. We each have our own individual path and life to live. As long as we live it within our best means I think this is what happiness is all about. In the end, I do not want to have regrets. 

 

Question 8: What are some of the things from the past that you wish to hold on to?

I want to hold on to my childish, fun side. It keeps me young and I think it is very important to not let go of my inner child as it continually shapes my adult persona. 

 

Thank you for coming on this date with me!!! I did tell you dating is basically an interview with a series of questions and answers. ;) I hope the date was worth it. 

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